Is It Enough?

When I think back to my own childhood, it is full of good memories.  Of being busy.  Of being outdoors and free.  I loved growing up in the Winter Sports Club.  There was surety and safety in the daily routine of walking over to Howelsen Hill after school and skiing until dinner time.  I even walked home after ski practice.  I don't remember having any homework in elementary school.  And there weren't any other activity options out there, for my family anyway.  Skiing is what most of us kids did.  And I loved it.  By the age of 10, I was traveling for ski races, had been in several ski races and loved skiing in general.  When there wasn't any snow, my time was pretty unstructured.  I remember riding my bike to the pool to swim (alone) from an early age.  Riding my horse, alone, in the mountains on trail rides daily.  Playing with my sister and friends, tagging along after my brother, being passionate about horses and figuring out ways to ride them.    When we (my siblings and I) were each 7, my grandmother (Granny) took us each on a huge trip "back east" to visit "the relatives".  My trip lasted the entire summer.  I left the week after school got out, and didn't return until the week before school started.  It was a loooong time to be away from my immediate family, house, bed.... but it was so totally worth it.  It was a great childhood, one that I would wish for any child.  And then I think about my own children's lives and I wonder and worry.  Is it enough?  Do they have enough activities?  Do they have enough unstructured time?  Structured time?  Are they passionate about anything?  Do they have good memories?  Do they have a foundation that will carry them through into adulthood.  Will they find passion in their lives and have I helped contribute?  Have I been too much of a pushover? Have I let them quit too many times?  Have I let them try too many activities and allowed them to move on rather than to be the best in one thing/sport?  Do they have good memories?  Should they have more chores?  Should allowances be handled differently?  Should be travel more?  See more of the world?  Do I place enough emphasis on schoolwork, or not enough.  Or... whatever.  Are they kind?  Compassionate?  Do they stick up for the underdog?  Have I created good memories for them?  Have I supported their friendships?  Do we use electronics too much?  Do we have enough special family time?  Do they get enough one on one attention?  Are they spoiled?  Should they be helping out more around the house?  Should they be cooking more?  Do we have fun and act silly enough?  Do we get out into nature enough?  We should have gone on a backpacking trip last summer!  How can I show them the world? I think a benefit of having a child rearing partner is that you can bounce all of these worries off of someone else who intimately knows your children, and you, and be supported and uplifted when the worries seem to outweigh everything else.  I'd like someone who loves me to tell me I'm doing a good job.  And really mean it, not just to make me feel better.  I worry about college scholarships, having too much free time in high school and getting into trouble, Not finding passion, Not getting good grades.  Not going to college.  Not being happy.  Not loving who they are..  Not supporting each other and being there for each other.  I worry that I don't open the right lines of communication with my kids.  Do I listen enough?  Do I ask the right questions?  Do I give too many answers when they should be figuring it out for themselves?  Do I intervene too much, and take sides too often?  Are my kids too violent?  Too argumentative and difficult?  Any why does my lovely daughter go to the nurse every day at school?  What is she not getting that she needs!  From me!  I don't know.  Tonight while heading down to Boys and Girls Club to pick up my kids I was thinking to myself, "Is it enough?"  I just don't know.  Mostly I'm just bone achingly tired.  And I'd like a night off of worrying.